The last piece of the puzzle

I felt the need to update on my news. Many of you know i passed the MPRE, and passed the February bar but... I was waiting on the last piece.... My character & fitness certification. So today i got the letter today from the state bar.

I opened it up.... Read it, and then the tears began and I think I broke down.

I HAVE BEEN ENDORSED BY THE STATE BAR OF MICHIGAN AND PROVEN BY CLEAR AND CONVINCING EVIDENCE I HAVE GOOD MORAL CHARACTER AND FITNESS FOR THE PRACTICE OF LAW!!!!

I GOT IT!! I can officially say I'm cleared to become an attorney!!!

Yall all knew... I doubted and had a breakdown... GOD was in control! I DID IT!!! My mom cried like I did. Haha. I will forever remember this day!

Today july 3, 2010 is my independance day!! I am now cleared to finally get sworn in and become an esquire!!

The next step... Getting back to Michigan to get sworn in and get my license!! Woooo hooooo! Today was a great day!

Take care of you!!
Signed,
The soon to be esquire!

The Results

So I haven't updated this blog since I wrapped taking the Michigan Bar
exam in February. I had to push the whole experiance from my mind as
it nearly broke me. I left the exam saddened, defeated, and literally
cried from Lansing (the site of the test) till I got home (1 1/2 hrs
later).

I had already resolved that I would have to retake the exam and I made
my peace with it.

So today I got the mail.. And lo and behold it's from the state bar.
It didn't even register that these were the results bc I totally
forgot about it. So I opened the letter and there it is....the
results.....

So I read the top line...." to pass the bar you need a scaled score of
135". Then I read my first score -the MBE...then the second score -
The Essay. Then I read down and saw my score.....then read the
requirements to pass again....then my score....and then.....IT CLICKED!!

ALL PRAISES TO GOD OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN....I PASSED THE MICHIGAN BAR
EXAM!!!!

At this point I begain the whooping and hollering. The excited jumping
up and down. I made the phone calls and text and called my Ma. She
cried. I was and still am elated!
Except I'm a little sad too. I fullfilled a promise that I made to my
daddy years ago. And much like when I crossed the stage with my juris
doctorate I'm alittle sad that he's not here to take in this moment.
But I know that he knows and is proud of me too!

So this moment....this day....is for my father ROBERT L. MULLEN.

EVERYBODY I PASSED THE MICHIGAN BAR EXAM (on the 1st attempt, doing
self study, and still being a wife and mom) I THANK GOD IN HEAVEN FOR
HIS MANY BLESSINGS and I'm soooo proud of me!!

Till next time,

Take care of you!!

Listening to silence

Well I made it out alive. That's good right?? Tomorrow
brings....silence and no study...(for now) Yeaaa

Till next time
Take care of you!!

It shall be written

It's 12:20am...I'm in Lansing (the state capital) and I've just
wrapped for the night. Ending the day listening to a bit of gospel.
Tired, head hurts, scared...yet willing to walk into the fire.
Tomorrow is Monday. Tuesday is the Bar exam. It will be what it
shall be. I will try, I will cry but I shall go forth. NO GUTS NO
GLORY RIGHT?? trying to mellow by listening to a bit of gospel.
Hoping for the best... But trying to shore up my resolves and self
perceptions just in case. There is ambivalence. Just have to get it done. Many thanks for all the well wishes thoughts and prayers. Special thank you for a hug and kind words from a friend."Finish strong Mai" was the sentiment. I shall try. So thank you... You'll never know what that meant... Especially since you knew I was on the verge of exam terror and collapse and fighting back tears. Couldn't show that true terror. Excellent that there are still ginuinely concerned people.

Until next time...

Take care of you!! (btw sorry for the fragment sentences but that's
how I'm condensing info for study purposes)

This was an Excerpt from my personal journal...

The Release.. Written 2.22.10

I chose to take a break and post here today because I needed to release. Those that follow this blog know my journey... know the struggle... know the sacrifice. Therefore, it is with you that I share this post. Tomorrow I will come full circle. I began this journey in the fall of 2001, and nine years, and three more kids later it may finally be complete as of Wednesday. The Bar exam is tomorrow and Wednesday and I can say that I'm more than a little intimidated. Many before me have taken it and passed successfully....but then again I can name more than a few who had to make the attempt a couple of times. Truthfully, although I know I should stay positive and stay up... my pessimism is giving way.

Today I clocked the drive from my hotel to the Kellogg Center at MSU. Normally what would have taken 15mins took 45 due to the snow that has chosen to fall today. As I drove to MSU I listened to alittle Hezekiah for some upliftment. His new cd is nice by the way if you like gospel. Anyway I was fine until I reached the campus. That's when the release came. Uncontrollable tears began to form and fall. My hands began to shake and my lip quivering. Not because of the exam that I have to take tomorrow (although I am still scared shitless) but because I've finally gotten to this point where I can take the Bar. The picture of the building with the snow is the legal building of MSU, where I began in 2001. When I started there it was still Detroit College of Law-Michigan State and was new to the campus...Michigan State has since absorbed it completely. I was 23 and had two kids attempting to do a traditional law school program..commuting from Pontiac the first semester, apartment during the week during the second semester, marriage on the rocks, stressed to the max, and not knowing what the hell i was doing. I was proud because I made it into MSU's law school. And then...the grades came out...and I wasn't so proud anymore. I was on academic probation...and then academically dismissed. Devistated...crushed...feeling lower than low. I picked myself back up, regrouped, and did a Masters in Public Administration at Oakland University since I had to sit out 2 years before I could reattempt. Only a few of yall knew this... Its not something that I discuss often.

After the Masters I again attempted. This time opting for Thomas Cooley Law School because it would give me the flexibility that my life needed as far as scheduling. I got in and began to thrive. Now the mother of 3 children I was getting the hang of this law school thing. That was in 2005 (five years ago at this time I began). Then came baby number 4 during law school...which brought about early labor and a refusal by my dr to let me drive to Lansing to sit for my exams...I would have to retake the semesters classes....Then a week later (almost to the day) came the death of my father....I withdrew from the entire semester. Then and there...in the span of 3 weeks... 2 entire semesters were gone...wiped out. I came back...regrouped and forged ahead. On September 14, 2008 I graduated from Thomas M. Cooley (3 mths preggers again..lol) with my Juris Doctorate Degree. I was sick at the ceremony with the flu, shaking, coughing, yet proud. As I crossed the stage I gave my dad the thumbs up and cried as I knew he was there watching me.

I moved from Michigan a month prior to my actual graduation ceremony and had the intents to take this exam in February of 2009. Bean..baby number 5 decided that wouldn't be prudent sooo I decided to wait till July of 2009. In April Mel had a catastrophic motorcycle accident that left me taking care of him for quite awhile. With a new infant, and a broken husband...I postponed the exam till now....

And so as the title of this post states... I have had a release. Even if I don't succeed on this first attempt I am proud that despite it all I have actually gotten to the point were I can sit for the Bar Exam. Some might not think that a big deal but given my life and experiences it actually is. I sit and cry as I type this post... knowing full well that tomorrow I walk into my destiny...Whatever the outcome may be! I have come full circle.. From one No came 2 yes' and 2 more degrees. I have family and I have life...The rest will come in time.

I have learned that for every thing there truly is a season. It was not my season at DCL. It was time to harvest at Cooley. It may not be my season to harvest tomorrow but all I can do is go to the field and till as best i can hoping..praying that the seeds I planted will mature. If they haven't, then again I shall give it time to grow..mature.. and then reharvest.

I am praying that God give me favor, strength, and mental fortitude. And I enter tomorrow with the knowledge that I've prepped as best I can given the constraints of my life. I probably will have a mental collapse if I don't pass on the first attempt... But like those before me in the same situation... I will cry, feel crappy for awhile, then regroup and attempt again. The biggest thing for me is the shame that comes with knowing everyone thinks you've failed. But I must remember that just because a battle is lost doesn't mean the war is! I will succeed! If not now...then when my harvest comes in. It took almost 10 years to get to a point that many achieve in 3 or 4. But guess what...Im here now! So all that stands in my way is this one exam. Not moving a mountain...Not solving world hunger...or even inciting global peace. 135 is the magic number.

So take a moment and say a prayer for me while you listen to my "war song" for the Bar Exam!!

(A prayer so touch and agree with me via cyberspace if you will) Lord Jesus give me favor to get there and pass. I'll take a 135 exactly. Overflow is needed... take this knowledge and allow me to access all learned and studied.. Father God in the name of Jesus I ask for Favor and for Triumph!! Knowing full well that to everything there is a season...and asking that you grant peace and serenity in the face of fear and anxiety!! No matter the outcome...knowing that it is done! Not in my time but yours, and counting all joy. Claiming Favor and thanking God that its done! Be it this exam or the next. Amen!

Till next time..

Home

One checked bag, one carry-on, a diaper bag, a power outline and
questions, Bart's lil bookbag, a stroller, one carseat, an 11 mth old,
a 4 year old, a stressed out scared of exam time momma and 3 hours of
flight time to cure 7months of separation.

I'm coming home!! See ya this afternoon Michigan.

Take care of you!!

Six days of Stress

In 6 days I make what I hope will be my first and only attempt at the
State of Michigan Bar Exam. On my bed lies a 3 1/2 inch binder that is
filled to the brim of what I "should" know. What i actually know for
certain may be a fraction of that.

I have done 1200mbe's up to this point and written maybe 45-50 essays.
I have tried to outline and take notes on all testable topics, I have
been a wife, mother, student, daughter, sister,
friend...throughout....although I dropped off in communications
drastically with everybody. Even my Ma.

The plane tickets are booked, I just e-checked in, the bags are in the
process of being packed, and I have a knot in my stomach the size of
Texas.

I feel sick! I feel no where near ready. I have gotton assurances from
all those who have been here before BUT they all actually could study
in the conventional way. I have stolen 30 mins here, an hour there,
and more than a couple days. I don't think it's enough. My self
perception of my mental abilities is shot. I feel it's not enough.
I've been pulling between 11- 14 Hr days and I still don't feel like I
know this shit.

For once in a long while I can effectively say I am terrified of this
exam and it's making me physically Ill.

The plan... Hit it hard the next six days for on the seventh
day..it...is...done. Come good or come bad. In seven the first (and
hopefully only) attempt will be complete.

Till then..
Take care of you!!

Premonition...hopefully.

I'm deep in study for the bar and as I need to study with "white
noise" I keep the tv on low. It seems weird I know but I have NEVER
been able to study in a sterile silent enviroment. Anyway, on the tv I
saw that the Potter's House was coming on so I flipped the channel
there. The message today was "coming out on the other side &
fullfilling your destiny". Boy did I need this word of upliftment! I
hope that it was a premonition and it's given me a small flicker of
hope. That's a good thing right?? Ok back to studying. Still have 2
more outlines to get thru and 100 mbe's. It's gonna be a long night!

Btw... HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!! My day was actually nice.

Take care of you!!

Update to dicta

The migrane won. I will study till this pill kicks in... Goal is 100
mbe's bf bed.

Take care of you!!

Dicta

Only 11 days until the bar. Am I ready?? Doesn't feel like it. What if
I fail?? Wow...well it's not like I haven't thought of that. If I
fail...I regroup and go forward. Not to mention my summer will be
totally jacked up. What if I pass?? Well, then it affords me the
opportunity to try and begin the process of making a life. Either way
all I'm certain of is that if I give up, I've already failed. Nothing
beats a failure but a try. Change will come regardless be it good or
bad. Here's hoping for the good but being prepared for the bad just
in case.

**UPDATE****UPDATE****UPDATE****UPDATE****UPDATE**

Let me preface this by saying that I think I may be officially having my Bar Exam Breakdown... Ok...proceed...

Ok. so what the hell was I thinking when I wrote that Polly Anna optimistic bs earlier?? Let me just update you all as to where I am. One, its nighttime and literally I've gotten like nothing really accomplished today. I have a migraine and really really want to take a Tylenol 3 to just stop the throbbing but have the intentions on actually getting a bit of work done. Two, do you all understand that the Bar is in 10 days. I'M NOT READY. No seriously, I have a vague haziness of legal concepts but nothing concrete yet. 10 days to get er done... Seriously?? I want to run right now... Run far far away... No actually I want to put my $100 check in the mail to the State Board of Law Examiners. Those that have taken or will be taking the Bar know what the $100 means. I can almost taste the failure... This is sooo not good. Three, my C & F still hasn't cleared yet. Ok so i know some of you may be going through the same thing or your reading this having no clue as to what I'm eluding to... well specifically this. If I don't pass the Bar on the first attempt...and my C & F (character and fitness) still hasn't cleared... I can NOT retake the Bar until it does. Which essentially means that It may be awhile if they don't cert me and I fail the bar. My lord... I know that I should be optimistic but is really hard. I feel like I'm drowning and there are others all around me that could throw me a life jacket but instead are just looking at the show. I will say to someones credit today I received some very valuable PMBR flashcards in the mail from a good friend. When asked if I wanted them even though it was sooo close to the bar, I replied "please send them... I'll probably use them if/when I retake" So although I know they aren't reading this blog... bc I haven't informed them of its existence... Thank You for your assistance and Thank You for believing in me even when I'm questioning myself.

That is where I am today. Why Im in such a jacked up mood. I asked for help from the husband and nada. No family here, no support system here, nothing. But I'm supposed to pull one outta my ass. Prime example... Yesterday Dallas got a record amount of snow... meaning the most ever in one day. We got almost 8 inches here (which by the way is melting now) and almost everything shut down. I asked Mel to please come home if his job sent him home early. Today I discovered that they did in fact send him home early... way early.... but he got here at about 2am. What does this translate to? It means that instead of coming home early to help me out by snagging up the kids and enabling me to study I essentially got flipped the bird and he indulged in his own self serving needs first...at the bar...or whereever else his 5 hours was spent. See this is the shit that I'm talking about. I probably shouldn't have put it out there like that but Guess what ....I don't freaking care anymore. Maybe I should just be resigned to be the boring as housewife with the degrees on the wall, umpteen babies, and a cat.

Ok and don't laugh at me bc sometimes I soo feel like Molly Shannon from SuperStar what with using songs and monologues to describe exact feelings but...This one one spot on. Danity Kane's Is anybody Listening...



Till Next breakdown...
Take Care of You

Babies & Bar exams

Family life and bar prep don't mix. Especially when all you have is
yourself to depend on and no help. I had a conversation with my mom
and sister today and gave them the details of my flight in a few
weeks. I also told them the truth...namely I'm prepping as best I can
given the circumstances. I also told them to hope for the best but
prepare for the worst. No need in giving them a false sense of
security when I know the odds may not be in my favor.

That's horrible huh? But it's real. And if I am nothing more people
have always known me to be upfront. So today I took stock of
everything that I've let go, pushed to the side, or tucked away in an
attempt to squeeze more study time in... The short list

1. My sanity
2. My appearance
3. Everyday baths (I'm not stinky though..lol)
4. Doing my hair everyday.
5. Getting outta pj's everyday.
6. Real meals everyday (pizza and hamburger helper gets the job done
just like a real meal)
7. Time enjoying the little things.
8. Family interaction
9. The dishes
10. Phone calls home & text to friends.
11. Shopping
12. Hair/nail appointments
13. Picking up the house
14. good movie
15. My patience.
16. Small pieces of happiness
17. The essence of Mai
18. Marital closeness
19. Spending time with the kids
20. My personal confidence in self.

Boy do I hope God shows me favor so I'll never have to go through this
again.
Till next time.
Take care of you!!

The offering.

Thought this was funny so I had to share. I talked to my mom today...
Something that's been really spaced out bc of my study schedule,
anyway here was the funny part.

Mom to me: you sound better! Glad your getting more studying in.

Me: yep I'm trying to. Only 3 weeks left.

Mom: well we are all praying for you!

Me: have yall bought the goat yet?

Ma: the goat??

Me: yeah the goat. This test is a beast so I need some serious
assurances. Ima need you to get the goat for the burnt offering. Gotta
make sure God remembers me so we need to go old school as in BC. Lol

Ma: laughing hysterically. "my child has soo much book sense but very
little common sense". Lol

Me: laughing with serious undertones.

Lol! Hope yall enjoyed that brief tidbit.

Take care of you!!

Userping an oppertunity

So clearly the fact that the exam is closing in fast has got my head
reeling. Ultra vires this... Agency that. Chimmel sweeps and Terry
stops. It's all just in there kind of floating around in the grey
matter. I have gotton a few quality days but really I don't feel like
I'm retaining what I need to know... Namely all these elements and
rules. Torts I seem to have a grasp on (but it's strait foreward and
was one of my favs), Crim is a close second. Now Evidence and
property... Yeah still struggling with that. Who the he'll knows how
the Rule against perpetuties goes??? No intrest is good, unless it
must vest within 21 years of the creation of a life in being??? Yeah I
can spout the rule but WTF does it mean?? I didn't know how to apply
this crap in law school and I still don't.

What I have discovered is that in taking all these mbe's alot of the
questions have he same structure and I'm answering some right even if
I don't know the right reason bc its basically memorizing structure
and what the correct answer looks like. Don't get it twisted though
I'm still missing alot especially w property and evidence. The two
subjects I hated MOST in school.

In addition I've decided in an effort to maximize study time I'm going
to try a new schedule. Bed each night by 10, up by 3, study till 6,
get kids off. Study from 7:30- 3:30 with breaks built in for food, and
other essentials. Then another hour from 9-10. It equals about 12 hrs
wo the breaks. What do yall think?

Oml pray for me bc it's getting down to the wire. About to go and
review todays lecture notes and grab a bite to eat.. Then it's more
essays and mbe!! Ohhhh what fun. Lol. Not!!

Take care of you!

Fun Filled Day of Crim and Essays

Today is Saturday and in exactly about 3 weeks and 2 days the bar exam will take place. Guess its down to crunch time! Ive gone back and forth from being scared shitless, to stressed out of my mind.. to being focused...to taking a "it will be what it will be mood" What you have got to understand is that I'm not studying like the average bar student. I have 5 kids, and one husband who's work schedule is outrageous therefore my study schedule has been having to yield to it.

So today and tomorrow the goal is to get caught up on study, do more than a few essays (which by that I mean... I've been outlining the model answers...but I am at least spotting the issues before looking at the answers...that's good right??) Its almost 10 here and i figure if i can just study till 10 or ll tonight and then do it again tomorrow I should have accomplished a bit.

So in true mood changing form... I found one of my most favorite songs and have listened to it 2 times already for inspiration and upliftment. I thought I'd share it with you so you too can be in a happy place. Ive posted it once before on my family blog... but for those of you who are only reading this one, or just started with me on this blog journey, the song is called "Ain't No Stopping Sunshine" by Yoli Tamu and was featured on Deliver us From Eva. Yoli hasn't to my knowledge released a CD but man I wish she would.

So pray for my sanity...and wish me luck in my endeavors.

The Rundown

The rundown thus far has went something like this.... Try to study...get interrupted, get stressed out...have a breakdown....cry...study some more.. repeat

I must admit that after my meltdown on Friday I really did get things in gear. I have determined that in order to try to even pass this horrible horrible beast of a test I will have to put in at least 10 hour days from now to exam time... which is in like 27 days. This weekend I actually felt for the first time that I absorbed some material. I still am behind (Like I haven't even reviewed Crim yet and it should've been done last week) but I am making a valiant effort.

On Sunday I purchased a desk for my bedroom so that while Bean was sleep at night I could study and wouldn't have to worry about him falling off the bed. Yes my 10month old sleeps in the bed with my husband and I. lol. At any rate... why didn't I think of this earlier?? I feel like I've gotten more done in this last weekend than I have in a whole week of studying. I am current on the day's lecture, and assignments. What does this mean considering I'm behind on the Barbri schedule. Just this.... Instead of frantically trying to catch up on the lectures that i missed I did the following. I reviewed the outlines and took notes on the missed material. I then opted to just keep up with the day's requirements and have vowed to make up the material that's missed on a day that's scheduled not to have lecture. So hopefully, this will all work to my advantage.

Today was spent and will be spent studying Wills, and tweaking property. So far (at 5:45pm here) I have listened and taken notes on the days lecture, outlined 4 essays, spent 2 hours doing MBE's and reviewed some flashcards...accidentally fell asleep taking notes for an hour...oops did i say that? Not too bad considering I still have to be mommy and wife.

I just have to remember to eat and take care of myself. I'm finding myself forgetting to eat and then shaking or feeling icky. I know your like how in the hell do you forget to eat... but you try studying for the Bar.. its entirely possible.

Ok...well time to go and try to cram some more shit into this brain of mine.

Till next time...
Take care of you!!

Time

There is never enough time to do anything. I have spent an entire morning taking care of needs and responsibilities only to have my laptop crash, my Barbri be inaccessible, and my mother call me in a chipper mood and tell me that 'you better get it done. you'll be fine". I'm not fine... I'm tired. I'm spent, I have a four year old who does not care that I need to study and his father is here and demands I take care of everything. I have a 10month old that...as lovable as he is still has the demands of a 10 month old. Nothing has gotten done thus far in regards to studying for the the bar. It is...as it always is... another Milton Morning. Who in the hell was I kidding thinking that I could do self study and maintain house and home by myself. There was a reason I never went to online school...it was simply because I NEEDED the forced study time and structure. And now...I'm pissed. I've been up since 5 am and have gotten NO Bar study time in. All has been spent doing regular family things. Add to this the fact that the baby needs formula, the bills need to be taken care of, the kids cleaned up, and a few groceries purchased...Oh and my lovely husband is just awaking from slumber...and I'm tired and spent already. I now need to go get dressed and finish up the requirements for family and home. meaning no time for me this morning because well.. GM has everyone on mandatory overtime (until Freaking April) meaning Mel has to do another 10 today on a day which would normally be his off day.

I think I'm going to go and purchase a cheap desk today for our bedroom. Maybe while the children are sleep I can study in our room at night. No sleep for mom...Goodbye old friend. I'll update as to what I actually get done today. My goal is at least 3hrs of lecture, 40 MBE's and at least 1 or 2 essays.. Lofty goal ehh?

Till next time,
Mai

Roll Call

Roll Call...Chicka Boomm... Cha Cha chicka Boom Roll Call....

My name is Mai...check
They call me May-yah..Check
I have a family....check
and am attempting the Bar....Attempting the Bar.

LOL.. Ok.. so I know y'all remember that old school chant with my Mai variation on it. Thought that I'd start the first post out on a lighter note as my other blog has been so very serious and stressful and dark.

If your one of my regular family, friends, or family blog readers you already know the deal. If your new I guess I should let you know who I am and a bit about me.

I am she!! Well actually I am... Iam (that's my name spelled backwards). lol. No but seriously, I am a law school graduate who is currently gearing up to take the Michigan Bar exam. I am not your ordinary Bar exam taker. I am a mom to 5 (age ranges from 13-10mths) and the wife to one who on more than a few days could probably be counted as number 6.

I am normally an outgoing, fun loving, high spirited person who has always wanted to become an attorney....well at least that's what my parents always told me. lol. Right now I am in preps to take the February Bar Exam and am stressed the hell out....seriously! You will also notice that I like using the punctuation (...) whatever its called.

I started this blog in an effort to keep my bar post and my family post separate and thus protect against commingling of ideas...see some of that Professional Responsibility stuff actually stuck. lol. No but seriously..To bring y'all up to speed let me re-post a bit of the entry that started this blog. Feel free to follow me if you will and thank you for all your HELPFUL and constructive ideas and or post. Until next time...

Mai

~The Beginning of this Blog~

Its 9am here and the realization has hit me that I have approximately 1 month to get ready for this mental torture marathon called "The Michigan Bar Exam". Up until this point I have been trying to study as best I can given the confines all around me. I have had breakdowns, experienced stresses, caught pneumonia, had a vehicle stolen, went back and forth with the car people, had utilities damn near disconnected, had children who were sick, babies who were vying for attention, didn't give a damn that mommy is stressed, quit smoking, started smoking again (when Mel decided that I need not quit right now because my stress level is tooo high and left cigs everywhere with an inducement to smoke), had my ma yell that she'll kill me if I fail, had a waiting to exhale moment wherein I cut my own hair, went to the salon and let them "clean it up", had one mommy night out, got sick again, discovered that I can't be sick because no one will let me.....and now... with a month to go...I'm wondering if this is doable? **Note I'm still sick but I guess I cant claim it because well.. I cant be**

I've tried multiple schedules and NOTHING seems to be working. I'm so far behind on Barbri its not even funny. Essays??? Nope cant say that I've written even one practice one so far. I have done a shitload of MBE questions though. So what does all this mean?? It could mean one of two things....either postpone it yet again because the requirements of life are just too much and I have NO FREAKING HELP... or 2. Hunker down seriously and do what I can do and pull one outta my ass. I've read blogs of others who did it within a month and passed and after all that's all I'm trying to do is pass. Not pass with flying colors or pass at the top of the curve.. Hell I could just get the exact number needed and I would be a happy camper. So this is what I've decided to do. I'm going to make a serious attempt. In stating that my stress level is extremely high and my mental stability is prone to break any moment (which takes A HELLUVA lot to admit) I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist to give me some coping mechanisms. Lord I hope that the mechanisms come in pill form because the wooo sahhhhs just wont cut it. I am also going to try my best to stick to some form of schedule to at least get in 7-8 hours a day from here on in. Lord knows I'm not sure if this will work.... not sure if I'll be successful... but all I can do is try right??

Since no one seems to understand or appreciate the gravity of what is needed, required , expected I have to turn my mind frame from the one in which i had in Michigan (wherein I actually had help) to that of a single parent going through this alone. Mel is here... but when he is most times he's sleeping till 12 or 1 because of this genius schedule that GM has them on. Then from 12-4 i get some study time in but basically that's all its been. Sleep is about to no longer be a friend... My God... If i can just get through this next month in a half and pass it will be a miracle.

Mai is tired. Mai is mentally drained. And Mai has no examples of individuals attempting to do this with the full demands of a family and no serious help or coping mechanisms. Other than those who are seriously Type A personalities (which I am not) and who probably have a smaller family load than I do.

Lord I wish I were a more structured and detail orientated person, maybe this wouldn't be so hard. If I were in Michigan this wouldn't be so hard. I can only pray that my method of madness pays off in the long run as I know my study schedule for law school test usually began only a week or so before the exam but somehow I pulled that off. Not sure if this 30+ days will allow me to pull off the biggest exam of my law career but we shall see. And if it doesn't well I guess It won't matter because every time I talk to my mother she tells me if I don't pass she's going to kill me so I will gladly welcome her actions if only to forego the stress of enduring this shit again!

Until next time...

Take care of you...and Pray for me!